"Where's Waldo? He's 5 foot 10 inches with a red and white striped shirt, red and white striped hat, propensity to hide. Please, let us know. His family misses him."
"Corey Corem has put out his latest album containing all new classics. You can find 'It's a Plea Bargain, Baby!' with the hit single 'Hit and Run in the Summer Sun' is available on all your favorite streaming platforms and local stores."
"And that, folks, was the latest trailer for 'Hands Off My Burrito!', the lastest film in the Billy Davis Cinematic Universe. Well, it was exactly what I expected. Let's just say!"
"The ex-wife of Firenze Prumt was found dead today in an apparent suicide while falling down the stairs. This comes days after said she has dirt on his activities many have claimed are illegal in nature."
"Enjoy the newest, hippest, greatest chip in town: Mumford Chips. Mumford Chips: the chips that make you...gruuuuuuunt! Made by S.C. Johnson Wax."
"Drink Pepso! The only drink made with real pepsin!"
"Melkior says 'You will kneel before me and Lord Death!'"
"Melkior says 'Would you like to try some of this black ichor?'"
"Melkior says 'I cannot believe that I was defeated by a dwarf and a multi-armed human.'"
"Melkior says 'Lord Death, save me!'"
"Melkior says 'Ailusherai! I will find you!'"
Table of Mr Linendot Sayings
Saying
"Mr Linendot smiles and says 'Hi, kids! I'm Mr. Linendot the officially unofficial spokesperson of Pepso: the only drink made with real pepsin!'"
"Mr Linendot offers you an unmarked can and shouts 'Hi, kids! I'm Mr. Linendot! Try the new 'refreshing' flavor of Pepso: 'vanilla'!'"
"Mr Linendot frowns and says 'I'm legally required to use air quotes so as not to be sued by Pepso...again..."
"Mr Linendot says 'Hi, kids! I'm Mr. Linendot here to tell you about the delicious beverage Pepso. The only drink made with real pepsin and now comes in a new refreshing flavor of 'vanilla'. And remember kids, I can no longer say they are the official sponsor of the show as that has never been the case.' He drinks a Pepso 'And here comes my lunch...'"
Pie Room is a room. The description is "[if unvisited]A voice says 'This is the pie room! Take one pie but only one pie. Mwhahahahahaha!' There are a large assortment of pies laid out in the room, but most don't seem appetizing. The floors, walls, and ceiling appear to be carved out of granite. There is an opening to the southwest on the southwest side of the room.[Otherwise]There are a large assortment of pies laid out in the room, but most don't seem appetizing. The floors, walls, and ceiling appear to be carved out of granite. There is an opening on the southwest side of the room.".
Fluffy Puff Path is a room. It is southwest of Pie Room. The description is "You are in a slightly curving path that is literally carved out of the rock. It leads to the south.".
Pie Room Door is a door. It is southeast of Dungeon 1 Meet & Greet Room. It is northwest of Pie Room. It is closed and locked. The description is "The rock door has fading words scrawled on them that say 'Speak the lines and dots and you may enter.'".
Mr Linendot is a man. He is in Dungeon 1 Meet & Greet Room. The description is "He has lines for limbs and dots for joints. His perfectly circular head only has dots for eyes and a line for a mouth.".
Marshie is a person. They are in Fluffy Puff Path. The description is "This is a giant marshmallow with squinted eyes, a button nose, a mouth, and a bite taken out of their upper right side of their 'head'.".
Melkior is a person. The description is "He is an Eldarim turned undead after pledging his life to Death himself. He is currently held together it would seem by just simple rags. There are severely damaged parts on his body from previous battles.".
The Narrator is a person. Understand "narr" as the Narrator. They are in Poorly Lit Room. The description is "The narrator is well-dressed and young looking. However, what their true form is beguiling. They look like they urgently want to speak with you.".
Amelia is a person. They are in Arthur Bryant's. The description of Amelia is "Amelia is a slender woman wearing ruined aviator clothes. She has sandy blonde hair. She is totally drunk and appears to almost always be that way.".
Darcon is a person. They are in Arthur Bryant's. The description is "He looks like a typical cook wearing a black shirt and pants.".
Buckethead is a person. The description is "That's right. THE Buckethead! He appears to be staring at his chickens, which are aimlessly pecking at and scratching the floor.".
Hank the Wino King is a person. The strenght of Hank the Wino King is 0. The defense of Hank the Wino King is 1. The health of Hank the Wino King is 6. The dice pool of Hank the Wino King is 1. They are in Central & 4th. The description is "A dishevelled man stands before you with long, matted, brown hair. The odor that eminates from them is an assault on the senses. Their long coat is greasy and grimey."
Moonchild is a person. They are in Crown Center. The description is "The Moonchild is a man dressed in early Renaissance-style clothing and speaks with an authentic English accent."
Elmo is a person. They are in Resurrection Leawood Sanctuary Lower Floor Northwest Corridor. The description is "Elmo is a furry red muppet that has a high pitched voice, refers to himself in the third person, and loves to smile and dance and play."
Gandalf the Grey is a person. They are in Resurrection Leawood Sanctuary Lower Floor Northwest Corridor. The description is "Gandalf is a tall wizard with grey hair, long beard, grey robes, and a wide-brimmed hat. He is often seen smoking from an ornate long pipe."
Police Clerk is a person. They are in Kansas City Police HQ. The description is "She's a generic looking police officer that is in charge of handling police evidence.".
Officer Arnold is a person. The strength of Officer Arnold is 4. The defense of Officer Arnold is 4. The health of Officer Arnold is 25. The dice pool of Officer Arnold is 3. The description is "He's a generic-looking white police officer with a crew cut so sharp you can slice bread with it.".
Zingo the Makeupless Clown is a person. They are in Ewing & Muriel Kaufman Memorial Garden. The printed name is "Zingo, the Makeup-less Clown". The description is "Zingo, the Makeup-less Clown has no make up on. He has a black eye from a prior altercation. His face is covered in grime. He wears a raggedy, fitted, red shirt. He wears sweatpants that are dirty with torn out pockets and holes in semi-random places. On his right wrist is a smart watch despite no apparent accompanied smart phone. On one foot is a dirty, old sneaker. On the other is a smelly sock and a grody sandal. He smells vaguely like cat litter."
Zongi the Clown is a person. The printed name is "Zongi, the Clown". They are in Ewing & Muriel Kaufman Memorial Garden. The description is "This Gacy-esque clown is doing clown things.".
Colonel Barleyton is a person. The description is "A black haired, bearded man known for being many things, one of which was on some space show in the 80s.".
The ring of awesomeness is a thing. It is wearable. The description is "An awesome-looking ring that fits your finger perfectly.".
BBQ Burnt Ends is a thing. It is edible. The description is "The BBQ burnt ends are a Kansas City specialty. They look so good and that they should be eaten before getting too cold.".
Can of Rubarb Pepso is a thing. The description is "A can of 'delicious', 'refreshing', 'rubarb' Pepso, the only flavored cola made with real pepsin.".
TV is a thing. It is fixed in place. It is in Dungeon 1 Meet & Greet Room. The description is "This television has a black shell surrounding a touch screen. The touch screen currently says 'Touch Me!'".
Understand "credits" as credits. Credits is an action applying to nothing.
Carry out credits:
say "I would like to first and foremost thank Nina Nadu, my wife, for being my everything.";
say "[line break]Next, I would like to thank my kids Olivia and Henry for being the rambuncious lot that you both are and have a special place in my heart!";
say "[line break]Without your help, this would not be here!".
let rr be a random number from 1 to number of rows in Table of Television Responses;
say "The TV says '[Response in row rr of Table of Television Responses]'".
Instead of taking while the noun is ye flask:
say "You can't get ye flask.".
[ Game progressing features ]
Before going to a room (called new room) while the location of the player is Fluffy Puff Path and new room is not Pie Room:
if Marshie does not have a blueberry floor pie or Marshie does not have a cherry floor pie:
say "Marshie frowns and says 'I don't have me a floor pie!'. At that moment, he opens his eyes and shoots blue fire right onto you and you incinerate into dust.";
end the story;
otherwise:
continue the action.
Carry out talking when the noun is Marshie:
say "I really hungry. I could go for some pie right about now.".
Carry out talking when the noun is Mr Linendot and player is not carrying Can of Rubarb Pepso:
say "Mr Linendot says 'Have this can of 'rubarb' pepso on the house!'";
move can of rubarb pepso to location of the player;
silently try taking the can of rubarb pepso.
[ What if you take more than one pie from the pie room ]
Carry out taking:
if the noun is cherry floor pie and the player has blueberry floor pie:
say "A voice cackles and says 'I told you to only take one!'. You suddenly start rapidly aging until you're nothing but bones.";
end the story;
otherwise:
if the noun is blueberry floor pie and the player has cherry floor pie:
say "A voice cackles and says 'I told you to only take one!'. You suddenly start rapidly aging until you're nothing but bones.";
end the story;
otherwise:
continue the action.
After giving to Marshie:
if the noun is cherry floor pie or the noun is blueberry floor pie:
say "The pie magically starts floating from your hand into Marshie's open maw and is consumed in one bite.[paragraph break]Marshie smiles, says 'Thank you!', and floats away.";
remove Marshie from play;
otherwise:
continue the action.
After talking when the noun is Mr Linendot and the Pie Room Door is locked:
say "You hear a loud click that came from the southwest.";
