"Where's Waldo? He's 5 foot 10 inches with a red and white striped shirt, red and white striped hat, propensity to hide. Please, let us know. His family misses him."
"Corey Corem has put out his latest album containing all new classics. You can find 'It's a Plea Bargain, Baby!' with the hit single 'Hit and Run in the Summer Sun' is available on all your favorite streaming platforms and local stores."
"And that, folks, was the latest trailer for 'Hands Off My Burrito!', the lastest film in the Billy Davis Cinematic Universe. Well, it was exactly what I expected. Let's just say!"
"The ex-wife of Firenze Prumt was found dead today in an apparent suicide while falling down the stairs. This comes days after said she has dirt on his activities many have claimed are illegal in nature."
"Enjoy the newest, hippest, greatest chip in town: Mumford Chips. Mumford Chips: the chips that make you...gruuuuuuunt! Made by S.C. Johnson Wax."
"Drink Pepso! The only drink made with real pepsin!"
"Melkior says 'You will kneel before me and Lord Death!'"
"Melkior says 'Would you like to try some of this black ichor?'"
"Melkior says 'I cannot believe that I was defeated by a dwarf and a multi-armed human.'"
"Melkior says 'Lord Death, save me!'"
"Melkior says 'Ailusherai! I will find you!'"
Table of Mr Linendot Sayings
Saying
"Mr Linendot smiles and says 'Hi, kids! I'm Mr. Linendot the officially unofficial spokesperson of Pepso: the only drink made with real pepsin!'"
"Mr Linendot offers you an unmarked can and shouts 'Hi, kids! I'm Mr. Linendot! Try the new 'refreshing' flavor of Pepso: 'vanilla'!'"
"Mr Linendot frowns and says 'I'm legally required to use air quotes so as not to be sued by Pepso...again..."
"Mr Linendot says 'Hi, kids! I'm Mr. Linendot here to tell you about the delicious beverage Pepso. The only drink made with real pepsin and now comes in a new refreshing flavor of 'vanilla'. And remember kids, I can no longer say they are the official sponsor of the show as that has never been the case.' He drinks a Pepso 'And here comes my lunch...'"
Pie Room is a room. The description is "[if unvisited]A voice says 'This is the pie room! Take one pie but only one pie. Mwhahahahahaha!' There are a large assortment of pies laid out in the room, but most don't seem appetizing. The floors, walls, and ceiling appear to be carved out of granite. There is an opening to the southwest on the southwest side of the room.[Otherwise]There are a large assortment of pies laid out in the room, but most don't seem appetizing. The floors, walls, and ceiling appear to be carved out of granite. There is an opening on the southwest side of the room.".
Fluffy Puff Path is a room. It is southwest of Pie Room. The description is "You are in a slightly curving path that is literally carved out of the rock. It leads to the south.".
Aquarium is a room. It is south of Fluffy Puff Path. The description is "You find yourself in a giant cavern carved out of the living rock. Situated in the room is an aquarium full of water about the height of the tall ceiling and wrapping around the room with arches allowing for access to the southern exit. From the west and east, sounds of water trickling can be heard. The giant aquarium has branches leading in both of those directions.".
Western Aquarium is a room. It is west of Aquarium. The description is "The western area of the aquarium leads into this room that is carved from the stone and the ginormous aquarium ends here.".
Eastern Aquarium is a room. It is east of Aquarium. The description is "The eastern area of the aqaurium leads into this room that is carved from the stone and the ginormous aquarium ends here.".
Hall of Pictures is a room. It is south of Aquarium. The description is "The long passageway continues in an L-shaped pattern to the west. Inside it are several pictures and paintings, most of which are of no consequence and are quite boring.".
Spork in the Road is a room. It is west of Hall of Pictures. The description is "The wonderful Hall of Pictures has lead to a dank path that curves to the south. At the end is a giant spork with two paths leading southwest and southeast. A giant splork is in the way of the southeast path.".
Leftward Path is a room. It is southwest of Spork in the Road. The description is "This path goes on and on leftward.".
Rightward Path is a room. It is southeast of Spork in the Road. The description is "The room is like the others except it does not go anywhere other than where you entered.".
Brick Transition Hallway is a room. It is south of Leftward Path. The printed name is "Long Hallway". The description is "[if unvisited]This long hallway meanders around. After several hours, you discover that half of the hallway is brick and the other half is carved out of the living stone. There is an open archway made of brick leading to the southwest.[otherwise]The long, meandering hallway is made halfway of brick and halfway of carved stone. There is an open archway made of brick leading to the southwest.".
Potato Room is a room. It is southwest of the Brick Transition Hallway. The description is "This tall, vaulted ceiling room is chock full of potatoes.".
Pie Room Door is a door. It is southeast of Dungeon 1 Meet & Greet Room. It is northwest of Pie Room. It is closed and locked. The description is "The rock door has fading words scrawled on them that say 'Speak the lines and dots and you may enter.'".
Cheese Shop Door is a door. It is west of the Leftward Path. It is east of the Cheese Shop. It is closed. The description is "It is yellow and made of wood with the picture of a wheel of cheese with a huge slice taken out of it.".
Mr Linendot is a man. He is in Dungeon 1 Meet & Greet Room. The description is "He has lines for limbs and dots for joints. His perfectly circular head only has dots for eyes and a line for a mouth.".
Marshie is a person. They are in Fluffy Puff Path. The description is "This is a giant marshmallow with squinted eyes, a button nose, a mouth, and a bite taken out of their upper right side of their 'head'.".
Melkior is a person. The description is "He is an Eldarim turned undead after pledging his life to Death himself. He is currently held together it would seem by just simple rags. There are severely damaged parts on his body from previous battles.".
Darcon is a man. He is in Leftward Path. The description is "He looks like a typical cook wearing a black shirt and pants. Darcon is laying on the floor in the fetal position muttering 'Two men enter, no man leave! Two men enter, no man leave!'".
Cheese Shopkeep is a man. He is in Cheese Shop. The description is "He is a short middle-aged man with black hair and a black moustache.".
Cheese Shop Dancer is a man. He is in Cheese Shop. The description is "He is an averaged sized man, wearing a black suit and a black bowler hat. He is stepping one foot forward and backwards, then switching off the feed, all to the time of some slow cacodaemoniacal beat coming from the ether.".
The Narrator is a person. Understand "narr" as the Narrator. They are in Poorly Lit Room. The description is "The narrator is well-dressed and young looking. However, what their true form is beguiling. They look like they urgently want to speak with you.".
Amelia is a person. They are in Arthur Bryant's. The description of Amelia is "Amelia is a slender woman wearing ruined aviator clothes. She has sandy blonde hair. She is totally drunk and appears to almost always be that way.".
Buckethead is a person. The description is "That's right. THE Buckethead! He appears to be staring at his chickens, which are aimlessly pecking at and scratching the floor.".
Hank the Wino King is a person. The strenght of Hank the Wino King is 0. The defense of Hank the Wino King is 1. The health of Hank the Wino King is 6. The dice pool of Hank the Wino King is 1. They are in Central & 4th. The description is "A dishevelled man stands before you with long, matted, brown hair. The odor that eminates from them is an assault on the senses. Their long coat is greasy and grimey."
Moonchild is a person. They are in Crown Center. The description is "The Moonchild is a man dressed in early Renaissance-style clothing and speaks with an authentic English accent."
Elmo is a person. They are in Resurrection Leawood Sanctuary Lower Floor Northwest Corridor. The description is "Elmo is a furry red muppet that has a high pitched voice, refers to himself in the third person, and loves to smile and dance and play."
Gandalf the Grey is a person. They are in Resurrection Leawood Sanctuary Lower Floor Northwest Corridor. The description is "Gandalf is a tall wizard with grey hair, long beard, grey robes, and a wide-brimmed hat. He is often seen smoking from an ornate long pipe."
Police Clerk is a person. They are in Kansas City Police HQ. The description is "She's a generic looking police officer that is in charge of handling police evidence.".
Officer Arnold is a person. The strength of Officer Arnold is 4. The defense of Officer Arnold is 4. The health of Officer Arnold is 25. The dice pool of Officer Arnold is 3. The description is "He's a generic-looking white police officer with a crew cut so sharp you can slice bread with it.".
Zingo the Makeupless Clown is a person. They are in Ewing & Muriel Kaufman Memorial Garden. The printed name is "Zingo, the Makeup-less Clown". The description is "Zingo, the Makeup-less Clown has no make up on. He has a black eye from a prior altercation. His face is covered in grime. He wears a raggedy, fitted, red shirt. He wears sweatpants that are dirty with torn out pockets and holes in semi-random places. On his right wrist is a smart watch despite no apparent accompanied smart phone. On one foot is a dirty, old sneaker. On the other is a smelly sock and a grody sandal. He smells vaguely like cat litter."
Zongi the Clown is a person. The printed name is "Zongi, the Clown". They are in Ewing & Muriel Kaufman Memorial Garden. The description is "This Gacy-esque clown is doing clown things.".
Colonel Barleyton is a person. The description is "A black haired, bearded man known for being many things, one of which was on some space show in the 80s.".
The ring of awesomeness is a thing. It is wearable. The description is "An awesome-looking ring that fits your finger perfectly.".
BBQ Burnt Ends is a thing. It is edible. The description is "The BBQ burnt ends are a Kansas City specialty. They look so good and that they should be eaten before getting too cold.".
Can of Rhubarb Pepso is a thing. The description is "A can of 'delicious', 'refreshing', rhubarb Pepso, the only flavored cola made with real pepsin.".
TV is a thing. It is fixed in place. It is in Dungeon 1 Meet & Greet Room. The description is "This television has a black shell surrounding a touch screen. The touch screen currently says 'Touch Me!'".
Fountain is a container. It is fixed in place. It is in the Western Aquarium. The description is "An ornate stonework fountain that seems to have an endless supply of water pouring out of it.".
Bucket is a container. It is in the Western Aquarium. The bucket can be empty or full. The bucket is empty. The description is "An old metal bucket. However, to poor Liza's chagrin, there is no hole in this here bucket. [if full]It is currently full[otherwise]It is currently empty.".
Ginormous aquarium is a container. It is in the Aquarium. The description is "A ginormous aquarium. Fish that are easily spooked swim about inside. It has two tributaries branching off to the east and west. There is a hole in it to allow insertion of things."
Goldfish is an animal. Understand "fish" as goldfish. It is in Eastern Aquarium. The description is "Yup. It's a goldfish that just happens to be golden colored. [if goldfish is in bucket]The goldfish seems content if such a thing can be said of fish.[otherwise]It is flopping about on the floor and seems to be struggling.".
Painting of the Tower of Plargh is a thing. It is fixed in place. It is in the Hall of Pictures. The description is "The picture depicts the Tower of Plargh burning to the ground and a multitude surrounding it. They are cheering and waving banners and flags.".
Painting of the Mirren Lisa is a thing. It is fixed in place. It is in the Hall of Pictures. The description is "The artist took some liberties and combined the Mona Lisa with Helen Mirren. They did a great job of it!".
Photo of a Deaf Zeppelin is a thing. It is fixed in place. It is in the Hall of Pictures. The description is "For whatever reason, the photographer took an arthouse picture of a figure that looks like an old timey zeppelin but with hearing aids attached to the side.".
Painting of Dogs Playing Yahtzee is a thing. It is in the Hall of Pictures. The description is "It's dogs! And they're dressed up in cute people clothes and playing Yahtzee!".
Giant Spork is a thing. It is fixed in place. It is in Spork in the Road. The description is "It's a giant, white statue of a spork fixed in the ground. On it are carved, in scrawling letters, the word 'RHUBARB'.".
Cheddar is a thing. It is fixed in place. It is in the Cheese Shop. The description is "A giant block of the finest English Cheddar.".
Venezuelan Beaver Cheese is a thing. It is fixed in place. It is in the Cheese Shop. The description is "A cake of the world-class, and famous, Venezuelan beaver cheese.".
Limburger is a thing. It is fixed in place. It is in the Cheese Shop. The description is "A hunk of the smelliest cheese, you swear, in the world.".
Bag of Potatoes is a thing. It is in the Potato Room. The description is "A large, brown burlap sack that is opened at the top revealing it is full of potatoes.".
Understand "credits" as credits. Credits is an action applying to nothing.
Carry out credits:
say "I would like to first and foremost thank Nina Nadu, my wife, for being my everything.";
say "[line break]Next, I would like to thank my kids Olivia and Henry for being the rambuncious lot that you both are and have a special place in my heart!";
say "[line break]Without your help, this would not be here!".
Instead of talking when the noun is the Cheese Shopkeep:
say "He says 'Would you like some cheese? Point at you want!'".
Understand "point at/to/towards [something]" as pointing. Pointing is an action applying to one visible thing.
Instead of pointing:
if the location of the player is Cheese Shop:
if the noun is cheddar:
say "Cheese Shopkeep frowns slightly but returns to their vapid smile and says 'Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir!'";
otherwise:
if the noun is Venezuelan Beaver Cheese:
say "Cheese Shopkeep looks confused but returns to their vapid smile and says 'Not [bold type]today[roman type], sir, no.'";
otherwise:
if the noun is Limburger:
say "Cheese Shopkeep looks down and their vapid smile and says 'No.'";
say "[paragraph break]You look around 'Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:'";
say "[paragraph break]Cheese Shopkeep say 'Yessir?'";
say "[paragraph break]You say 'Have you in fact got any cheese here at all?'";
say "[paragraph break]Cheese Shopkeep vapidly smiles and says 'Yessir'";
say "[paragraph break]You say 'Really?'";
say "[paragraph break](A short, awkward pause.)";
say "[paragraph break]Cheese Shopkeep says 'No, not really. Not a scrap.'";
say "(You hear the unlocking of the Cheese Shop Door)";
if Cheese Shop Solved is false:
increase the score of the player by 10;
now Cheese Shop Solved is true;
now the Cheese Shop Door is unlocked;
otherwise:
say "Cheese Shopkeep looks at you, smiles, and politely says 'I'm sorry, but we don't carry [the noun].'";
Pepso drank is truth state that varies. Pepso drank is false.
Instead of drinking Can of Rhubarb Pepso:
say "You pause for a moment after consuming the entire drink. You utter 'Hmm' just before retching the entire contents of your stomach on the floor, which absorbs it with gusto.";
if the second noun is the fountain and the bucket is empty:
say "You use the bucket on the water fountain and it's now full.";
increase the score of the player by 10;
now the bucket is full;
if the second noun is the ginormous aquarium and the goldfish is in the bucket and the bucket is full:
say "When you place the bucket into the ginormous aquarium, the bucket slowly dissolves and the goldfish swims quickly amongst the other fish and is soon indistiguishable from the other golden goldfish there.";
remove the goldfish from play;
remove the bucket from play;
increase the score of the player by 10.
Instead of inserting when the noun is goldfish and the second noun is bucket and the bucket is full:
say "You place the struggling goldfish into the bucket, which causes it to swim around and seem happier.";
if the location of the player is Fluffy Puff Path and new room is not Pie Room and the location of Marshie is Fluffy Puff Path:
if Marshie does not have a blueberry floor pie or Marshie does not have a cherry floor pie:
say "Marshie frowns and says 'I don't have me a floor pie!'. At that moment, he opens his eyes and shoots blue fire right onto you and you incinerate into dust.";
end the story;
otherwise:
continue the action;
if the location of the player is Spork in the Road and new room is not Hall of Pictures:
if Pepso drank is false:
say "The entire top of the cave is ripped open and a disfigured face peers down at you.
[paragraph break]The face says 'You haven't had your healthy dose of Pepso today. Shame on you!'
[paragraph break]At that moment, a hand scoops you up and places you in the mouth of the face. Your last moments are of long, excruciating pain that overwhelms your senses and ability to cry out for help.";
[ What if you take more than one pie from the pie room ]
Carry out taking:
if the noun is cherry floor pie and the player has blueberry floor pie:
say "A voice cackles and says 'I told you to only take one!'. You suddenly start rapidly aging until you're nothing but bones.";
end the story;
otherwise:
if the noun is blueberry floor pie and the player has cherry floor pie:
say "A voice cackles and says 'I told you to only take one!'. You suddenly start rapidly aging until you're nothing but bones.";
end the story;
otherwise:
continue the action.
After giving to Marshie:
if the noun is cherry floor pie or the noun is blueberry floor pie:
say "The pie magically starts floating from your hand into Marshie's open maw and is consumed in one bite.[paragraph break]Marshie smiles, says 'Thank you!', and floats away.";
test happypath with "x mr / x tv / x door / talk to mr / se / x cherry / x blueberry / get cherry / sw / x marshie / give pie to marshie / s / w / x bucket / x fountain / get bucket / insert bucket into fountain / e / e / x goldfish / put goldfish into bucket / w / put bucket into ginormous aquarium / s / x Painting of the Tower of Plargh /
x Painting of Mirren Lisa / x Photo of a Deaf Zeppelin / x Painting of Dogs Playing Yahtzee / take Painting of Dogs Playing Yahtzee / w / x spork / drink pepso / sw / enter Cheese Shop Door / x cheddar / x venezuelan beaver cheese / x limburger / talk to shopkeep / point at cheddar / point at venezuelan beaver cheese / point at limburger / e /
